As you guys probably know very well, a few months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. I thought he was the love of my life which was stupid since we were only together about seven months.
Honestly, the break up didn’t come to me as a surprise. We had problems and we were struggling. I knew that, I tried to talk about it but we were both denying it. We knew we had a problem but we would ignore it and would just make out or whatever. All we really did at one point in our relationship was kiss.
He was my first kiss… I didn’t know what the etiquette was supposed to be. I still don’t in fact. But anyways, this is not about him.
I have been struggling to move on, I mean, I thought moving on was having feelings for another guy but I realized recently that it wasn’t the case.
I went on a date to see Doctor Strange and while it didn’t start out that great (with a misunderstanding of addresses and then a minor car accident) , the date was not bad at all.
In fact, he was kind, understanding, funny, a good listener. He was great in fact and the reason behind why we will never have a second date has nothing to do with him but myself.
I have spent the time since we broke up, trying my hardest to get over who I thought was the love of my life. I “moved” on and I thought that was enough but now I realize that it isn’t true.
I have not moved on.
Perhaps my brain had moved on, my brain was able to make sense of the situation. I understand exactly why it happened and how. I understand all of this however, just like this quote.
“If the heart has not healed, it means it is not ready to move.” – Rexon Wilson.
I think that is where my problem lies, I don’t think my heart as healed…
How do you know when your heart is healed?
Honestly, I am not one hundred percent sure but I have made a list of starting points.
- Stop thinking about him.
- Stop comparing him to others.
- Stop caring about him.
- Realize that dating isn’t cheating.
That last one, that one is the worst. That moment when you are on a date and then your ex crosses your mind and you feel like you are cheating.
I was naive and in my naivety, I assumed my first kiss would be my last kiss. This is now an impossible dream that will never happen but I don’t think when we broke up that it occurred to me how much I don’t know.
Does my kissing (one month) rule change now that I actually have been kissed.
These are my five beginning steps to getting over somebody that I so desperately want to get over.
So, I have no idea what will happen in the future. I have no idea how long this process is. But apparently being sickened by the existence of a man isn’t enough.
Who would have thought?
Plus, for the extra bonuses of this realization, I will be able to get to know myself more. Know myself more than just as a writer, read, friend, and lover. I want to Sabrina Ingram as a whole and yes, all of those things are me but they aren’t only me.
I can’t be the only person who has gone through a break up! How did you guys do this?
Can’t wait to hear from you guys,